Who’s in the Driver’s Seat of Your Sex/Love/Relationship?

Do you know who’s in the driver's seat of your sex, love, and relationships? Today I am diving deep into the layers of personal development and unpacking how to recognize (and give compassion to) our disempowered parts - so that we can shift into a more empowered state of being. We will be exploring how our inner sub-personalities shape our experiences and I share practical tools & concrete examples so that we can learn to choose who’s in the driver's seat. 

Becoming aware of who’s in your driver’s seat leads to lasting change, transformation, and expansion. The concepts in this episode are life-changing and complex - please reach out to me on Instagram or Facebook with any questions that you may have about this topic! 

Understanding Your Inner Parts

When I say "who's in the driver's seat of your sex, love, and relationships," I'm talking about the parts of you that are steering these aspects of your life. Just like our physical bodies are made up of different parts, our inner world is composed of various subpersonalities, each with its own set of beliefs and behaviors. These inner parts could include your:

• Inner child
• Inner teenager
• Inner feminine
• Inner masculine
• Inner victim
• Inner critic

Each part has its own experiences and conditioning that shape how you think, feel, and act in the world. These subpersonalities can hold onto beliefs formed from past experiences, including traumas or learned patterns from childhood, which were originally meant to keep you safe. These beliefs dictate your actions and reactions, whether you’re aware of them or not. 

When one of these parts is in the driver's seat, it determines how you show up in every aspect of your life. Today we are focusing on your sex life, relationships, and love life. Understanding which part of you is in the driver's seat is crucial because it allows you to consciously shift from disempowered states to empowered ones. By recognizing and lovingly addressing these parts, you can reclaim your power, allowing the most confident and authentic version of yourself to take the wheel.

This shift not only transforms how you experience sex, love, and relationships but also how you show up in every area of your life.

Disempowered vs. Empowered Parts

Our inner parts, or subpersonalities, can generally be divided into two categories: disempowered and empowered. For example, you might have a disempowered inner child, shaped by unmet needs or trauma from your past, which carries beliefs that can keep you stuck in unhelpful patterns. On the other hand, if you grew up with supportive, nurturing experiences, you might have an empowered inner child that contributes to a confident & resilient mindset. But often, our inner child and other parts of ourselves need deep healing to move from disempowered states to empowered ones.

Before I went into my own deep healing around parts work and the inner parts of myself, the masculine and feminine within me were disempowered. As I worked with these parts, my inner feminine (which I call my inner Pussy queen) and my inner masculine moved from disempowered to empowered.

These parts aren't just abstract concepts—they're very real forces that influence every area of our lives. A disempowered part might be driving your experiences without you even realizing it. For instance, a wounded inner child might cause you to act out in ways that don’t align with who you truly want to be, like lashing out in anger or repeating unhealthy relationship patterns.

Recognizing who’s in the driver’s seat is the first step to taking back control and steering your life in a direction that aligns with your true desires.

The key to making this shift is not to judge or criticize these disempowered parts but to approach them with compassion and understanding. These parts are often trying to protect you based on outdated beliefs that no longer serve you. By accepting and loving these parts, you can gently guide them out of the driver’s seat and allow a more empowered version of yourself to take over. When you start to show up from a place of empowerment, you’ll find that life begins to flow more smoothly, and you’ll be able to create the experiences you truly desire.

Who's Driving Your Sex Life?

Let's say you're feeling shut down in your sexuality – maybe you’re experiencing low libido or lack of pleasure. You want to feel turned on and enjoy a fulfilling sexual connection, but something just isn't clicking. This is where it's crucial to ask yourself, "Who's in the driver's seat?" It’s oftentimes a disempowered part of you, like an inner teenager who learned that sex is:

• Dangerous
• Sinful
• Shameful

This part might be holding onto old beliefs and past traumas, even though you're now in a loving relationship and genuinely want to connect with your partner. As long as this disempowered inner teenager is in control, it will be difficult to fully embrace the pleasure you desire.

The key is to recognize when a disempowered part is driving your sexuality and lovingly guide it out of the driver's seat. This could involve re-educating that part with new & empowering beliefs about sexuality – that it's not sinful or bad, but rather a beautiful, sacred, and powerful aspect of who you are.

Once you lovingly move that disempowered part aside, you can invite an empowered version of yourself (like your inner sex goddess or Pussy queen) to take the wheel.

With this empowered aspect in control, you can open yourself up to the pleasure, desire, and intimacy that are your birthright. The shift from a disempowered to an empowered driver changes everything, allowing you to experience your sexuality in a way that truly aligns with who you are and what you desire.

Who’s Driving Your Love Life?

Moving on to love, let’s say you’re single and searching for love, but you keep attracting partners who just don’t measure up. Maybe you’re:

• Finding fault with everyone you meet
• Thinking all the good ones are taken
• Considering that maybe love just isn’t meant for you

When this happens, an inner victim part of you may be in the driver’s seat. This part might be projecting blame onto others, thinking all men are assholes or that no good men are left -- without recognizing the deeper patterns within yourself that are attracting these mismatches. Often, this inner victim could be rooted in a deeper wound, like a childhood experience where you learned that men would leave or disappoint you, leading you to approach love from a place of disempowerment.

When you become aware of this victim role and the underlying wounds, you can begin to heal. By acknowledging and nurturing that wounded inner child, you can start to shift out of the victim mentality and put an empowered version of yourself in the driver’s seat. This might be an empowered inner feminine who trusts in love and believes in her worth. From this place, you’ll naturally start to attract different, more aligned partners. This is because you’re no longer operating from a place of fear or scarcity, but from a place of:

• Confidence
• Self-love
• Trust in the masculine.

Who’s Driving Your Relationship?

Now let’s say you’re in a relationship where you find yourself constantly giving and caring for your partner, yet you feel like the love and effort isn't being reciprocated. Over time, this can lead to resentment and bitterness because you’re pouring so much into the relationship without feeling nourished in return. If we dig a little deeper, we might uncover that an inner child part of you is in the driver's seat, specifically, a part that learned in childhood that love must be earned by giving. This pattern, developed as a safety mechanism in your younger years, might be driving you to give endlessly, believing that this is the only way to be worthy of love.

The key to breaking this pattern is to bring awareness to this inner child, offering them love and acceptance, and then doing the deep work to heal that old wound. By recognizing that you are deserving of love simply because you exist, you can start to anchor into an empowered part of yourself, who gives from a place of fullness rather than lack. This shift allows you to fill yourself up first, ensuring that your giving is authentic and not driven by a need to earn love. From this empowered place, your relationship dynamics can transform, allowing you to experience a more balanced, fulfilling exchange of love.

How to Move from a Disempowered to an Empowered State

The first step to putting an empowered part of yourself in the driver's seat is to approach your disempowered parts with:

• Acceptance
• Compassion
• Love

It's essential to acknowledge these parts without judgment, even if they've led you to results you don't want. By holding these parts in a space of compassion, you allow for healing and create the possibility of change. This can be challenging, but it’s a necessary first step to shift the dynamic and make room for an empowered part to take control.

Once you've created this compassionate space, the next step is to consciously identify your empowered parts. You might resonate with an inner goddess, an inner queen, or an inner Pussy Queen. Journaling can be a powerful tool here and you can use these prompts to get started:

• What does it look like to be empowered in my sex life, love life, and relationships?
• What are my habits of being, feeling, thinking, and doing when I’m coming from this empowered place?
• How do I physically experience this part of myself in my body? Then practice stepping into that embodiment. 

With this clarity, you can intentionally put this empowered version of yourself in the driver's seat, guiding your life from a place of strength, confidence, and self-love.

A Practice to Put Our Empowered Parts in the Driver’s Seat

One of my favorite practices for shifting into an empowered state is the Throne of the Heart. If you’d rather have a guided meditation for this practice, tune into this episode at timestamp 47:20! But here is a simple guide to get you started:

1. Close Your Eyes and Breathe: Begin by taking deep breaths, focusing on the sensations in your body, especially in your heart space.
2. Visualize Your Throne: Imagine a throne in the center of your heart, where you, as the conscious and empowered self, are seated. In front of you is a table where all your inner parts, both empowered and disempowered, are invited to gather.
3. Invite Your Parts to Speak: Let each part come forward, expressing its feelings, beliefs, and needs. You might notice a disempowered inner child, an angry part, or a shut-down inner teenager. Let them all have space to speak.
4. Choose Your Empowered Self: After hearing all the voices, choose the empowered part of yourself that you want to place in the driver’s seat. Feel yourself embodying this part, noticing how it changes your posture, your thoughts, and your feelings.
5. Commit to Empowerment: Make a commitment to show up from this empowered state in the area of your life where you’ve been struggling. This might mean deciding to show up as your Pussy queen in your sex life or as your confident & empowered self in your relationships.
6. Repeat as Needed: Remember, this is a practice. You may need to do this regularly, especially when you notice old patterns creeping back in. Each time, gently but firmly return the empowered part of yourself to the driver’s seat.
    

This work is deep and transformative, and it’s okay if it feels challenging at times. Remember, it’s a process of continual growth, and every step you take toward empowerment is full of so much juciness. You deserve to experience epic, cosmic sex, deep love, and fulfilling relationships, and it all starts with who’s in your driver’s seat! If you’re ready to dive deeper into this work and need support along the way, don’t hesitate to reach out on Instagram or Facebook. I’m here to guide you in reclaiming your power, healing those disempowered parts, and stepping fully into the life you desire.