From Pain to Pleasure: My Journey of Sexual Healing

Have you ever wondered how embracing and owning your sexual journey could lead to a life filled with immense pleasure? Today I am sharing my liberating journey from sexual pain to pleasure...to remind us all how important it is to discuss our sexual history to help dissolve shame. Join me as I dive into the role of coaching and community in sexual empowerment, how addressing our challenging emotions can unravel immeasurable layers of pleasure, and the gift of deepening our sexual awareness and enjoyment. 

I also highlight how the path of healing and reclamation led to a transformative exploration of my desires, eventually blossoming into a fulfilling sexual relationship with my partner. My story is a testament to the power of taking ownership of our sexuality - because we all deserve to dive into a portal of pleasure! This episode is a call to embrace our sexuality with love, compassion, and radical responsibility. Tune in to discover the endless rewards of embracing your sexual self!

Clearing Shame By Sharing Our Sexual Histories

To clear sexual shame, is crucial that we talk about our sexual histories. As women and Pussy havers, we often carry a lot of shame around our sexuality and our Pussies. Shame thrives in secrecy and we bring it out and talk about it, the shame melts away. Knowing that we are not alone in our experiences is powerful.

Reflecting on our sexual journeys and histories also helps us see the patterns we've carried. This understanding gives us perspective on what we’ve been through and where we are now. It allows us to cultivate compassion and love for ourselves. And at the core of any healing journey is truly loving and being compassionate with ourselves.

As I share my story today, I want you to know that you are not alone in whatever you are experiencing in your sexuality. Whatever challenges, pain, or trauma you may hold could be a gift in disguise. Our deepest pain and traumas, when met with love, compassion, and bravery, reveal a gift of power within us. This is why I share my story – so you know that you are not alone, and that we can all love, own, and shift our journeys as we desire.

My Sexual History

For a long time, I didn't realize there was anything to shift in my journey. I was fortunate not to have personal trauma inflicted upon me and my sexuality, though I did carry collective and ancestral trauma (as we all do). Growing up, I had very little guidance in the sexuality department…which in itself was a kind of trauma, right? My parents did an amazing job but my sexual education was mostly non exsistant. My mom handed me novels with graphic sex scenes without discussing them, and my dad’s only conversation about sex was asking if I was using protection when I was 18 (and I had already been having sex for months before that).

My first sexual experience at 16 was with an older friend. I was completely unprepared and disembodied. It was a quick and disconnected encounter that left me feeling confused and traumatized. Even though I was self-pleasuring at this time, I was definitely a late bloomer when it came to guys. This sexual experience set a pattern for the next few years – drunken hookups and painful sex with little to no foreplay. Even though there was pain, I was still craving intimacy in relationships, which kept me seeking out these experiences. 

With my long-term boyfriend in highschool, I experienced sexual pleasure and an orgasm (with a partner) for the first time. Even though this happened, I still didn't know much about my body or sexuality. There was usually still a lot of pain because I tend to be more on the dry side and need extra lubrication but I didn’t know that.

Then in college, I had another serious boyfriend where the sex was great but I lost my desire for him over time. I thought something was wrong with me until I met my now-husband. Our chemistry was instant and intense, and we got pregnant a month into knowing each other. Our sexual connection has always been fiery, and I am deeply grateful for that.

I want everyone to know that you too can have a lifelong partnership with someone with whom you share this kind of chemistry. It doesn't mean it will be easy, relationships take work, but it’s absolutely possible. If you’re not finding it already, it might require some inner work, but it’s out there for you. My husband and I often say that if people only knew what they could be having, they would never settle. Believe in the possibility of finding that deep connection and chemistry in your own life.

As a reminder, it is so important to look back on our sexual history with a lot of love and self-compassion

Painful Sex After Childbirth

Once the first trimester was over, the pregnancy hormones made me incredibly horny, but I was also scared of losing my sexual desire over time. as had happened in previous relationships. After giving birth to my son, I experienced excruciating pain during sex for seven months, which was terrifying. No one had warned me about the potential for such prolonged pain after childbirth. Thankfully the pain eventually resolved but the desire started to become a problem for me. If you want to learn more about this and how I became Pussy centered, read this blog!

Then I became pregnant with our daughter and the pregnancy hormones once again enhanced my libido. After her birth, I avoided the pain I had previously experienced, which was a huge relief. Around this time, I started getting more in touch with my body, my yoni, and I even went to see Tami Lynn Kent for a Pussy massage. Even though my husband and I had amazing chemistry, I still had resistance to sex because it was really hard to get turned on.

The birth of my third child brought painful sex for a year and this time I knew that it was a sign from my body to explore my sexuality.  I committed to exploring and understanding my sexual needs and desires more fully. This journey involved acknowledging the pain, listening to my body, and using it as a guide to dive deeper into my sexuality.

Taking Radical Responsibility of Our Pleasure and Sexuality

I let the thought of exploring my sexuality simmer for a while and then I read a book which talked about creating a self-pleasure (masturbation) practice. I committed to a daily self-pleasure practice for 30 days which led me to a huge breakthrough. I had so much shame and guilt pent up because of an experience when I was three years old. As I sat in this shame and guilt, I was able to move through it and experience a huge shift in my relationship with my body and pleasure.

The next pivotal moment for me was when I realized I was putting the responsibility of my pleasure on my husband. Since I had experienced painful sex and lack of desire, my attitude was that he needed to "turn on" my pleasure for me. This mindset placed an unfair burden on both of us. I realized that my pleasure was mine to own and nurture. This allowed me to reclaim my sexuality and deepen my connection to my body. It was a reminder that we each have the power to explore and expand our own pleasure, independent of anyone else.

Tools and Practices: Unlocking the Path to Pleasure

As I started to explore my sexuality, I enrolled in the Ecstatic Birth Practitioner Program with Sheila Kamara Hay, which was a turning point for me. This was the first time I seriously considered my pleasure—not just sexually, but in all aspects of life. Before this, I didn’t think I had time for pleasure. When I started to claim my pleasure as my own -- it was so juicy and empowering. If you feel like your pleasure is a bit of a mystery, reclaiming it can put you in the driver's seat to do something about it.

During this journey, I read "Women's Anatomy of Arousal" by Sheri Winston and realized that there was nothing wrong with my body or Pussy. It made me realize that much of what I thought I knew about sex was based on a male paradigm. Male sexuality is what we see in the media and porn. It shows up as:

• Getting turned on fast
• No foreplay
• Fast and pounding penetration

All of which, did not work for me. I thought something was wrong for so long but Sheri's work helped me see that female sexuality has its own unique flow and rhythm. I learned more about female anatomy (which we are barely taught in school) and learned that arousal takes longer for women. Embracing this, I found infinite amounts of pleasure by not rushing and by working with my body's natural arousal process.

One of the best practices I adopted was Pussy gazing -- where you look at your Pussy in a mirror. It was the first time that I truly saw her beauty. This practice brought me to tears because I had always thought she was ugly. Recognizing her beauty expanded my sexual experiences and pleasure with my husband. Around this time, I also discovered Mama Gena and I attended a weekend event  in New York with her and 800 other women. This contributed immensely to reclaiming my body, my pleasure, and my sexuality.

These experiences were all part of a beautiful fountain of healing that I was immersed in. They taught me to embrace my body, let go of shame, and understand the unique nature of female pleasure. By sharing these intimate details, I hope to inspire you to explore your own sexuality and recognize the power and beauty within yourself!

The Power of Support and Guidance

Having support and guidance is such an important part of this journey. Even though I was experiencing growth and expansion in my personal and business life, I still felt there was more healing and expansion to be had. That’s when I found Layla Martin and her Sex, Love, and Relationship Coaching Certification Program. This program was transformative, not only providing tools to support my clients but also taking me on a personal journey of deep sexual healing. The first part of the program focused on our own sexual healing, and it was during this time that I delved into incredible practices and meditations that peeled back layers of trauma and resistance.

One of the most profound experiences was attending Layla’s in-person retreat in 2022 with a hundred other sex witches and Pussy queens. We engaged in intensive practices, including jade egg self-pleasuring rituals in a room together. We also did a Yoni worship ritual where someone would sit at the throne and everyone else would come up, look at your Pussy, and worship her. This was so fucking beautiful to witness. This experience was incredibly liberating and empowering, allowing me to shed deeper layers of shame I didn’t even know I had. Sharing these intimate practices in a community of supportive women was so deeply healing.

Returning home from the retreat, I felt a new level of liberation in my body and sexuality. This journey showed me the power of community and the profound impact of being witnessed and celebrated in my sexuality. It’s why I now dedicate my life to helping others reclaim their sexuality, knowing that this work can transform lives in the most beautiful and powerful ways.

Embracing the Endless Expansion of Sexuality

Today, I feel like a true Pussy queen, fully owning my sexuality and pleasure. My husband and I, who started our relationship with a surprise pregnancy just a month in, are now approaching our 16th anniversary. We have three children, and I’m not kidding when I say our sex life just keeps getting better. We joke that every orgasm is better than the last, and it’s true—our connection and pleasure keep deepening over time.

This journey has shattered the cultural narrative that desire fades in long-term relationships. I used to embody that old pattern of losing desire after a certain period, but I’ve learned it’s all about conditioning and trauma. Sixteen years in, our sex life is better than ever because I’ve integrated layers of healing and liberation. By staying tuned into my body’s natural impulses and desires, I’ve learned to embrace and move through whatever comes up...whether it’s:

• Pleasure
• Disconnection
• Even moments of needing to cry or be held

Feeling and accepting whatever is present allows my sexuality to unfold beautifully. When we embrace our truth, we open portals to deeper pleasure. This is how we maintain a hot love story that lasts. Many people suggest spicing things up with new activities, but for me, it’s about listening to my body and following my desires. I don’t have to search for new things to try…I just give myself permission to explore my kinks and desires.

By sharing these intimate details, I hope to inspire you to explore your own sexuality and address any shame or guilt you may carry. Reflecting on our experiences and understanding our patterns is crucial for healing and growth. It’s important to recognize that our pleasure is our responsibility and that we have the power to transform our relationship with our bodies and our sexuality!